Editors Note: Often times friends or random’s say something along of the lines of “I’d love to write stuff for NoPantsToWork.” I usually say, “great, send it on over.” Rarely do people actually follow through. This was written by a friend who I would classify as a very level headed, normal nice guy. Enjoy!
I am a guy who has dated my fair share of women, but at this point in my late twenties, I am absolutely ready to settle down when the right girl comes along. Most weekends, I go out to bars and clubs in search of Mrs. Right, optimistic that I will find the girl who has everything I look for. I will often find my “girl du jour”, feel things out for a month or three, and then inevitably determine that she is not “marriage material”. While I admit that I am extremely picky, I also believe it is within my rights. After all, I am looking for the woman with whom I spend the rest of my life!
This brings me to a quandary that I have experienced all too many times in my life. I am ready for Mrs. Right, but I am also realistic that she is incredibly difficult (and unlikely) to find at a bar. So what does that mean for me? Does it mean I should stop going out with my single friends and pursuing relationships that keep me occupied in the short term? Does it make me ingenuous if I subconsciously know this all along but just want to have a good time with beautiful women? Or am I just helplessly falling into my own trap over and over again, and taking unsuspecting victims along for the ride?
This past weekend was a perfect illustration of my ongoing quandary. A big group of friends and I went to an outdoor festival, which is really just an excuse to drink copious amounts of beer on a Saturday afternoon. I met this beautiful girl through some mutual friends (we will call her “Sandy”), and we hit it off instantly. We spent a good portion of the afternoon together, drinking and flirting, and by the end of the day, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We exchanged phone numbers and agreed to see each other again in the next week.
Let’s fast forward to the following weekend. Sandy was out with her girlfriends on Saturday afternoon taking a painting class (where wine is also served). There was a lot of time for the girls to gossip, and apparently I was a frequent topic of conversation. I could have never anticipated what happened next; a deluge of unprompted, confrontational text messages
Sandy: I feel like I can’t do this. It’s because of Jessica. Very shady of you.
Me: What are you talking about? I already told you about her.
Sandy: I didn’t realize how deep the history was.
Me: I told you it had gone on for a long time, but it was always on and off. I don’t even see why it’s relevant.
Sandy: I’m not trying to be mean, but this open book policy of yours is missing a few chapters.
**As a little background info, Jessica is one of our mutual friends with whom I have shared a few intimate moments. This conversation went on for quite some time before I picked up the phone and called her to squash the beef. She cornered me and I continued to defend myself even though I had done NOTHING WRONG, and frankly, I felt that my prior relationship with Jessica was none of her business. She was impressed by my honesty and candidness, and I ended the conversation thinking that we had put this bump in the road behind us.
Let’s fast forward to two hours (and a few glasses of wine) later. Her tone has now changed drastically from confrontational to sexually forward. In so many words, she proposed that we meet up for a drink or two and then see where the night takes us. So what do I do now? This girl is throwing herself at me, a week after we met for the first time. Do I give into temptation even though I know drama will ensue and she’s probably not “the one”? Or do I make the mature decision and tell Sandy that we should slow things down? You don’t have to be a detective to guess what choice I made…I am a man. I don’t make decisions with my brain, and this is a situation that I am all too familiar with. I have been honest and done NOTHING WRONG except give into temptation. Yet, when all is said and done, I will probably look like the villain and she will probably end up hating me. But isn’t it a two-way street? She kept finding reason after reason for us not to be intimate, and I never pushed it. All I did was tell the truth and defend my integrity. Then she became the aggressor, and I couldn’t resist.
There are single women everywhere, and many of them have qualities that I find attractive in a mate. Yet finding the perfect girl seems nearly impossible. So what is a single guy like me to do? Forgo all intimacy until I am 100% sure that I have found Mrs. Right? Or play the field and be the villain in any short-lived intimate relationship?
The choice is not easy, and I don’t think there is one right answer. But there is one thing that I know to be 100% true. When you become intimate with a woman, there is absolutely no going back. So if you give into temptation (and don’t commit long-term), be prepared to deal with the consequences. You will have to end it eventually, and you will be the bad guy, even if you feel that you have done NOTHING WRONG. The choice is yours…
Let us know what you think in the comments or @NoPantsToWork.