Instagram is tied with Twitter as my favorite social network these days because no one hits me up on MySpace and Facebook is like so totally 2000-and-late. Eh Fergie? I only use Facebook to remember birthdays and to find girls my friends meet at bars, and only get small amounts of information from. “Victoria Dancing Queen” was my most recent achievement. Victoria, if you’re reading this, you’re welcome.

1. Bacon The Piglet

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I never really thought pigs could be so cute. This account is amazing for a few reasons. The captions include a lot of clever pig puns. If you don’t like an obvious joke or a good pun why don’t you just move to Canada! The owner of Bacon just so happens to be smokin’ hot and makes a cameo every now and then.The pig cuddles and acts like a dog, eats like a maniac, and grinds his butt on the floor with apply placed music in the background. This account can do no wrong.

2) Carter and Toby

This one’s easy. Dogs are cute. Babies are cute (as long as they are not mine). A rescue dog and a baby who are best friends and take funny pics together? Count me in.

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3) Dan Bilzerian

Where do we begin with this one. Millionaire poker playing playboy who, according to Instagram, is either having sex, shooting guns, driving some sort of tank, or yachting, at any given point in time. He writes funny captions and has a cat named SmushBall.

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4) Foodie Magician

Screen Shot 2014-08-05 at 10.01.26My friends over at Cedar Lakes Estate, Lisa + Steph, told me about this dude. He chronicles his NYC meals daily. Apparently he does some really freaky deaky magic as well. I’m more of a Harry Potter type guy but do you foodie magician.

According to my friends, and mind you, this could be a giant conspiracy….the foodie magician told my friend Lisa to scroll through her phone and pick out a random name. She showed the person sitting next to her.

The foodie magician went through some serious “deep thinking,” I assume to summon the powers of the universe, then pulls out an envelope that is stapled shut. You see where this is going yet? Yup, the random name was written on a piece of paper inside the stapled shut envelope. SHAZAM!

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5. Jen Selter

I’m an advocate for fitness and healthy living. That’s why you should follow this account. JK, lolz, lmfao, rotfl….this chick makes a living maintaining her robust tush, and I salute her for it. Her hiney looks photoshopped and as far as I can tell, she is either squatting or lunging 24/7. My quads hurt just looking at her pictures. Why will no one pay me to take pics of my butt? #Jealousy

Killer sunset...
Killer sunset…

Hopefully that gave you something to occupy the rest of your workday. Did we miss any must follow accounts? Let us know, or as usual, tell us how much we suck in the comments or on Twitter.

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