An Ode To GChat

Corporate America, Pop Culture , , ,

Sweet beloved GChat, you are everything. You’ve gotten me, and others I’m sure, through many a tough time. You’ve done so with little to no thanks or recognition. For that, I apologize.

Stand up, GChat, take a bow.

While working for “the man” GChat was one of the only things that kept me sane. As soon as my computer booted up it was straight to Google, which began an 8 hour long cat and mouse game between me and my bosses. At this point, if it’s not blocked at the office, I think it’s a fair assumption that 99% of people are on GChat at some point during the day.  I’m a helluva multitasker, so it never really got in the way of my work.

GChat is like steroid use in baseball. Everyone does it but no one really talks about it. Just don’t get caught and you’re fine. If you’re not doing it (steroids or GChatting that is), everyone assumes you are anyways.

GChat has always been around. I started with AIM as NYIGA12 – New Yorker in Georgia… I was 12. I thought I was soooooooooo clever. From the second I got home from school I was online, chatting away. At that time, however, we had 1 phone line, so anytime the phone rang I was immediately woken from my chat coma. Obviously that very negatively affected my middle school social life. Then, AIM became uncool.

Then, Facebook introduced chat… which I think most of us agree sucks. Then, like a knight in shining armor, Google entered.

GChat is the grown up version of AIM without the creepiness.

 

If you don’t have a Gmail account, maybe take a step back and reevaluate things, sit the next few plays out…

There are a few things every pro GChatter deals with on a given day. None scarier than when you’re sitting at your desk, sending some emails, settling into the day, discussing your weekend plans with a fellow GChat patriot when the unthinkable happens. Your boss comes to your computer to look at something. Shit, don’t type anything to me! Is my sound on? Then, before you know it, you hear a chime. You’ve got a “Nick has messaged you” flashing in the top right. You’re sweating. And you don’t hear a word your boss says.

If they don’t comment on it, you sit at your desk feeling like you just pulled off the ultimate act of trickery.

GChat, you are everything. You even let us go invisible if we just want to check out the scene, see who’s on, and be on our way. Sooooo sneaky.

Without Gchat I’m pretty certain I would have been committed to some sort of institution at some point during 2011 or 2012. After a long work week, we go to the bars for drinks. After a long weekend, we go to GChat.

Every morning, around 8:15, I sign on and start my initial conversation with Nick Goldberg, a fellow power user. We’ve had the exact same opening line for about a year now.

We got a late start today
We got a late start today.

Seriously, that happens every… single… morning.

After that we banter about our anxiety, life, the screenplay we plan on writing one day (yes, seriously) and pretty much everything else we can think of. There are other people I chat with, many of whom have incredibly poor etiquette. If I get a “hey! what’s up?!”… respond in an ample amount of time with “Hey! How’s your day going?” …then don’t hear back for 2 hours… YOU ARE DEAD TO ME. Did you all of the sudden have some dire work emergency that didn’t allow you to type a sentence? Did you have a freak accident with the paper cutter rendering you fingerless and unable to type? If either of those occurred, then fine, I apologize for being insensitive. I’m not one to point fingers but I’m talking to you @Stephgless and @CourtnEManning. Notorious for GChat hit & runs.

GChat also allows you to “go off the record.” Huh? I mean, I’m usually talking about espionage, my social security number, and ways to steal from the company, so thank god for that feature. But seriously, what are some people discussing on GChat that would require them to go off the record?

Once again, GChat, thank you for everything you do. Thank you for providing entertainment, lowering productivity and helping us all get through the day.

How often do you GChat? Could you imagine working without access to GChat? Forget those questions, I already know the answer; all day and no. Leave me a comment or tweet me @DannyWeiner!

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