Thanksgiving Thoughts

There's plenty to be thankful for this year. I run one of the biggest websites on the Internet a goofy website, I have been out of Corporate America for almost a year now, I lost 35-lbs the last 18-months (which I plan on gaining back today), I have my health, a loving supportive family, some pretty cool friends, and I'm pretty happy with life in general at the moment. Now's the time of year to get all sentimental and mushy about our loved ones, to spend time with family you don't get to see often, and for sending out passive aggressive annoying mass Happy Thanksgiving group text messages! This has been a pretty crazy year in my life and I definitely have plenty to be thankful for. I asked some friends what they were thankful for this year, one normal and one unconventional. The answers were pretty funny...enjoy! Girls: The Usual: family, health, my awesomely fun friends, all the opportunities God has given me,...
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5 Types of People You Meet On an Airplane

Traveling is an ordeal, and no matter how short the flight is, it's usually an all day affair. You hurry to get to the airport, you wait in lines through security. You get the distinct pleasure of taking off your belt and shoes and placing all your belongings into a plastic bin. If you're lucky enough, you get groped by TSA. Then, you wait at the gate, you wait on the plane, you wait on the runway. You land, you wait on the runway again. During this whole process where people watching is king, you meet a fair amount of characters. Lets focus on a few people you meet on the plane. 1) The people who stand up the SECOND the plane lands and grab all their stuff...with nowhere to go. These are arguably the worst human beings on the face of the earth. Not really, but these people make me more mad than anyone else on a plane. I have one...
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Sunday Demons

Picture this...It's Sunday morning, you just got done with a Friday/Saturday bender after swearing you weren't going out this weekend. UNLEASH THE DEMONS! The Sunday demons that is. You know the Sunday demons. That little pit in your stomach you feel but you're not really sure why. THAT my friends, is the Sunday demons. Sundays have the oddest dynamic of any day of the week. You can do whatever you want because there's no work, but you can't, because...you have work tomorrow. If it rains on a Sunday, take everything I'm about to say and multiply it by infinity, we're all goners. "Moral Hangovers" are infinitely more miserable than physical hangovers. Did you text your ex at 3am saying "I miss you" or "you have no idea what you lost you filthy bitch" while crying yourself to sleep? Did you wake up with an empty pizza box next to your bed with ranch and crumbs all over your face? It's cool, OUR...
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I’m So Excited, I’m So Excited, I’m…Sooo…Scared

I feel really bad for kids growing up today. They don't have Saved By The Bell. I am a firm believer that SBTB is the greatest show of its kind ever made. I grew up feeling like Zack, Screech, AC, Kelly, Lisa, Jessie and Mr. B were my close personal friends. When there was an oil spill at Bayside and Zack's favorite duck Becky passed away, I cried the same tears he did. Not only did it guide us through childhood, one 30-minute episode at a time, but it produced the most iconic, riveting, emotional & perfect scene of our youth. Let's have a look, shall we. I understand if you need a moment to compose yourself...be strong. So many great things about this scene. Zack's business casual rolled up sleeve blazer look almost steals the show. No real explanation necessary, dude had style. Elizabeth Berkley's performance is inspired. I laughed...I cried...and I bet you did too.  Jessie Spano is taking caffeine pills so she...
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A Trip To Target

Target is arguably my favorite store in the world. However, it's the most dangerous store in the world too. I go there looking for scotch tape and some almonds...black out...and leave with 200 dollars worth of crap. I went last week in search of a portfolio, a tupperware to put salad in, and dishwashing detergent. I left with 2 candles, a folder, paper clips, rubber bands, and a new sponge. First of all, most items at Target are relatively inexpensive in comparison to other places. It's a total shocker when you get to the register and your total is $225.43. How did this happen you ask?! "Everything in my cart is 5 dollars or less!" you proclaim. Well, quite frankly, you have 57 items in your cart, 53 of which you probably don't even need. With so many items available for a few dollars I start feeling way more loaded than I am. I walk through the aisles like this. Then when I get...
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3 Fundamental Takeaways from Law & Order SVU

Law and Order: Special Victims Unit is one of the more captivating shows I've ever watched in my life. If I see the opening 3 minutes where a crime is perpetrated, I feel anxious and unsatisfied if I don't find out what happened, how it happened, and whodunnit. I don't think I've actually ever seen an episode air for the first time. I get sucked into those SVU Marathons on TNT for 12 hours. I'll watch an episode at 11am on a Saturday morning, and the next thing I know there is scraps of food all around me, I haven't showered, and it's 8pm. SVU has instilled 3 central principles in my subconscious. 1) Everyone is constantly looking to rape & murder me. God, I hope I'm not right. Every episode opens up with some sort of horrific crime. A body is found, a crime is committed...something terrible. When I have kids, I am keeping them locked up til they are 21....
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A Look Back at NOW! That’s What I Call Music

Wanna feel realllllllllly old for a second? We are embarking on the 46th edition of NOW That's What I Call Music. FORTY.....SIXTH! NOW That's What I Call depressing. They've gotta be one of the more successful franchises around, right? Even Girls Gone Wild is done, and they sold something everyone loves... cheap immoral pornography! Can I buy stock in the NOW franchise? NOW Vol. 1 is hands down the best collection of songs this franchise has ever put together. Everything after that has been downhill. Hanson's "Mmmbop" and K-Ci & JoJo's "All My Life" are arguably the 2 best songs ever written. Ya throw in Harvey Danger "Flagpole Sitta" and it doesn't really matter what else they put on the album. Am I right or am I right? NOW Vol. 5 dropped the hammer pretty hard with numerous club bangers as well. In my opinion, it is the 2nd best NOW CD in the franchise. **[Editor's Note] In case you're wondering, I aggressively skimmed every NOW...
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An Ode To GChat

Sweet beloved GChat, you are everything. You've gotten me, and others I'm sure, through many a tough time. You've done so with little to no thanks or recognition. For that, I apologize. Stand up, GChat, take a bow. While working for "the man" GChat was one of the only things that kept me sane. As soon as my computer booted up it was straight to Google, which began an 8 hour long cat and mouse game between me and my bosses. At this point, if it's not blocked at the office, I think it's a fair assumption that 99% of people are on GChat at some point during the day.  I'm a helluva multitasker, so it never really got in the way of my work. GChat is like steroid use in baseball. Everyone does it but no one really talks about it. Just don't get caught and you're fine. If you're not doing it (steroids or GChatting that is), everyone assumes you are...
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6 Awesome Songs We Rarely Hear Anymore

One of the best feelings in the world is when a song you haven't heard in ages, comes on the radio or your iPod. You roll the windows down, scream the lyrics at the top of your lungs and feel like you're king of the world. Here are 6 of my personal favorites. Jamiroquai: Virtual Insanity Why is this song so awesome? A) Lead singer with weird/awesome voice. B) Funky music C) Cool name of band. Wilson Phillips: Hold On Why is this song so awesome? A) Drum solo (great for air drumming) B) The song is so good it was a focal point of Bridesmaids C) Easy lyrics to belt out. Snow: Informer Why is this song so awesome? A) Saying "boom boom" is fun. B) You can literally mumble ANYTHING and it sounds like you know the words. C) Helluva music video. Nappy Roots: Aw Naw Why is this song so awesome? A) It reminds me of high school. B) It's fun to pretend I'm a...
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Homeland Anxiety

With Homeland making its epic return this Sunday I've put in a bulk order of Xanax to my pharmacist. Carrie, Brody, Saul, Dana and the rest of the bunch actually, in real life, give me physical anxiety. Oh hey Carrie, you should definitely run back into the house and look for this chicks purse while psychotic terrorists are chasing you around with guns.  You should take top secret documents home and pin them on ur wall. It's also a brilliant idea to keep having weird/aggressive/scary/uncomfortable terrorist sex, complete with awkward Brody thrusting, as much as possible. *I get that war messed you up Brodes (Can I call ya Brodes?), but, Christ, watching you have TV sex makes me really uncomfortable. Get it together, man. Brody, to me, is one of the most intriguing characters I've ever encountered on a TV show. I hate you, but I kinda like you, but I get that you were kinda friends with Nazir, but I hate...
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