MegaMillions, MegaAwesome

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THE MEGAMILLIONS JACKPOT IS AN ESTIMATED 636 MILLION DOLLARS. Let me me say that again in case it didn’t register. THE MEGAMILLIONS JACKPOT IS AN ESTIMATED 636 MILLION DOLLARS!!!!!!! The cash option is 341 million dollars. That’s 341 with 6 zero’s behind it. 341,000,000…man, that looks sweet.

I’m a casual lottery player/gambler. A little sports betting, poker, some scratch-offs and the occasional lottery ticket. However, when the jackpot gets as high as it is currently, I can’t stop day dreaming about how cool it would be to win, what I would do, how awesome I’d be at being filthy rich, and debating whether I’d actually have a heart attack after realizing I won. The part that really sucks, is, every time the jackpot gets this high, and I don’t win, I get severely depressed for about an hour. I mean, I genuinely expect to win for a split second. Then, extreme disappointment. Do you know what you would do? Here are my thoughts.

My biggest anxiety in the whole winning-the-lottery-daydream-process is when I actually find out that I’ve won–WHAT DO I DO WITH THE TICKET.  I’ve done some research. You’re not supposed to really tell anyone, and you are told to contact a lawyer/financial advisor type figure. I’d love to Tweet and Instagram it eventually…I think that would get a few likes. My anxiety comes from holding a piece of paper that is now worth 341 million smackers. In my day dream, I put the ticket in an envelope, I seal the envelope, I place that envelope in another envelope. I place the newly formed package in my pants. I lock myself in my room, turn off all the lights, get under the covers, call my parents, tell them something terrible has happened and need them to come over immediately, contact the police and tell them I need an escort. Isn’t that what everyone does?

Money changes people and I’m sure many of you have heard insane stories of people winning massive jackpots only to lose all of it, become terrible people, and become bankrupt in the years following. I’m Jewish, so that would be pretty much impossible. I have money management/saving skills in my DNA, folks. Once my advisor told me what the hell to do, I have a number of plans. I wouldn’t want people hitting me up for money all the time sooooo, I’d call my closest friends, tell them to meet me at the airport, bring nothing but your phone and your wallet.

I’d charter a jet to Vegas, take everyone shopping for fresh duds, and spend a weekend living and partying like Floyd Mayweather. I’d pay off any debt my parents had, buy them a dream home where ever they wanted to retire, buy them their dream cars, and a loft in NYC, since that’s always been a dream of theirs. I’d also just cut them a check for a shitload of money because my parents are awesome, hard working, and they deserve it.

After that, I’d buy some real estate, nothing too huge because I need a cozy joint to lay my head down at night. I’d build an indoor basketball court, a ridiculous pool, buy a new car and then I like to think I’d continue working on this website and some new projects. I’d like to donate some moolah to Make-A-Wish because I think what they do is incredible. Then, I’d travel. Ya know, cool places like Italy, Cleveland, and Bali. I’d Eat, Pray, and Love all over the place!

The odds of winning are 1 in 259 million. You have a better chance of getting hit by a tornado than winning tonight. You have a better chance of getting struck by lightning than winning tonight. You have a better chance of getting eaten by a shark than winning tonight. You have a better chance of getting eaten by a shark, while simultaneously getting struck by lightning while being swept up by a tornado, than winning tonight. That last one isn’t confirmed but we are having our math interns run the numbers for us.

I am a firm believe in “money doesn’t buy happiness but it sure does make things a hell of a lot easier.” Yea, I mean, you can still be miserable, buttttt I’m already pretty happy go lucky, so I think I’d be alright with 341 million brajoles in my bank account.

Lets assume you take the cash option of 341 million bones. We’ll forget about taxes for a second for arguments sake (or the fact someone else might win and you have to split).

You could buy this house 17 times. You could buy 428,930 Golden Retriever puppies named “Santa Girl.” You could even buy this website 341 million times!!! You could buy a bajillion of everything on this list as well. Everyone has had this day dream. What would you do? What would you buy? Would you place the ticket in your pants and hide under the covers too? Let us know on Twitter or Facebook!

On a more serious note, if you win the lottery, or don’t–and have a few extra dollars to spare for a non-profit my friends works with, it would be very much appreciated. You can read more about EmancipAction here or watch their video below.

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